He was our number one draft pick in 1995. Graduate of SDSU, played tight end at Florida State under Bobby Bowden, Harvard graduate school–he clearly had the skill-set to take this organization to the next level. Most of the EMBOW pundits projected him to send 10 to 13 investment-related emails a year (10 to 13 above the club average) and propose 1 stock purchase over his career (1 above the average).
In the 18 years our beloved Fat Kev has been with the club cartel, he has done a total 43 minutes worth of work (35 of those minutes were spent misspelling “Discipline” on the paddle). In that time he has made more than $146,000.
Biggest bust? You be the judge.
(Sure Dave Eick hasn’t done even half as much work as Kev, but he’s writing a pilot starring “Skip Rahill”, so he gets a pass. We need more Dave Eick’s in this club consortium.)
Don’t be so hard on the manatee Skip, although Kev does less than no work he is the second funniest guy in the consortium which is why he has earned the distinguished appointment, “Recording Partner For Life.”
Skip, you owe us a round of drinks for using the “C” word.
Love that pic. I think I had just completed a pass to the sideline judge when it was taken and I was a little full of myself.
In fairness to me, I did have one pick back in the mid-1990’s: Iomega. If we had bought it and sold it exactly 4 months later (when it was trading at 600 times earnings), we would all be in sedan chairs right now. I haven’t checked it in 15 years or so, but I’m sure it’s still doing great and leading the industry.
Thanks for the tepid defense, Will. You will be cast as the lead “Will Skip Matles” in my new screenplay “Boner Academy II – Back to School”.
Sincerely,
FK